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Why does everyone love San Francisco?

Why does everyone love San Francisco?

Maybe it’s because we, unknowingly, stayed in the apparently infamous Tenderloin district, where you literally walk over mounds of homeless crack heads to get to your hotel lobby.

It’s just so depressing to see so many people make such a fuck up of their lives, all in the one place. Sometimes when you see a homeless person on a street corner, you may throw them a couple of bucks in change and walk off and think ‘gee that’s depressing’, yet forget about it five minutes afterwards. In San Fran (which you can’t say around the locals apparently, they hate it), it’s like that every god damn three steps.

You also can’t call it ‘Cisco either. We were warned this in LA by a couple from Santa Monica. It’s like San Francisco as a whole have put out a notice saying, “oh no, only our friends can call us Fran, or ‘Cisco.”

Well you know what, deal with it ol’ mate San Fran, because I’m Australian, and we like to give things nicknames. Shorten them down and jazz them up a bit, maybe even abbreviate you right down to S.F if we feel like it.

Here’s a great idea. Why don’t you hire a bicycle and ride across the Golden Gate Bridge?

False.

Firstly, you need to seriously evaluate the last time you actually rode a bike. Hell, evaluate the last time you even exercised. I can confidently say that the last time I rode a bike was a good decade ago and the last time I exercised, well, you don’t need to know that.

Secondly, remember that San Fran(cisco) is a city built on hills. Not just any hills, but there’s even a street there that is the steepest street in the world. Those will get your legs and booty working.

Thirdly, they drive on the opposite side of the road than us. Of course, you say, I knew that. No. You don’t understand how difficult it is to tell your brain to do something that you have been programmed to do since birth. It’s like getting up one day and saying ‘instead of walking from now on I will skip everywhere.’ They also don’t have to wear helmets there so the bike place isn’t inclined to give you one. So for the most part of the journey you’re riding around constantly thinking ‘my mum is going to kill me when she finds out.’

Fourthly, Australian Siri doesn’t know where the fuck she’s going. That bitch had us cycling around like mad women trying to find this huge red bastard of a bridge.

Basically, once we actually got to the bridge I must say it was quite a view… That’s what I would say if I could even see anything. It’s foggy and damp and cold and windy and not pleasant at all.

“Oh you went to San Francisco? Oh my God I love that city. You must have had the best time”

No.

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