1. You start talking about marriage and children
There is no need to discuss any kind of future any longer than next Tuesday.
2. They mention their ex, more that once
This only means one thing, they’re definitely not over their ex. We’ve all had them, and consequently we’ve all wished someone dead, and that’s totally natural. If they’re still reminiscing on the good things about their ex, then they wish that she was sitting across from the table from them, not you.
3. They tell you how much they earn
I get it, they’re trying to impress you. But what kind of girl do they think you are if they think you’re going to be impressed by that? The only other word that springs to mind when someone says the term “gold digger” is “whore”.
4. They ask you what your parents do for a living
This is category one ‘wankjob’ territory. Not only are they delving into your financial status, but when they start to talk about what your family does for a living that’s when the alarm should go off. If you are wanting to roll into my lounge to find my family sat around a table of caviare, toasting to their riches while wearing their rubies and pearls, you are in for a rude awakening my friend.
5. They are dressed to go to the gym
I’m thinking trackies and a bum bag is no way to rock up to a first date. Ever. Under any circumstances.
6. If they order for you
Just because they don’t eat carbs and are watching their salt intake doesn’t mean you have to.
7. If their idea of a date is a psychology appointment
On a first date if you find yourself consoling them, then that’s not okay. The first date is suppose to be a fun and entertaining encounter where you giggle and he makes silly remarks. If it turns into a deep and meaningful about the time he lost his grandmother when he was three and how it has affected him as a human being, then that’s when you know this is not going to be an easy relationship and move on.
8. Come over to my place for a movie
This is guy code for, “come over to my place and let’s watch the opening credits to Mean Girls while I strategically try to put my hand down your pants for the remaining 134 minutes of the film”.
9. Awkward silences at any time
10. They ask you how many people you’ve slept with
I’d imagine the dialogue would go something like this…
Boy: “Let’s play the question game”
Girl: “Okay, what’s your favourite colour?”
Boy: “Blue, yours?”
Girl: “Purple. Your turn…”
Boy: “How many guys have you rooted?”